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Jul 27 / KL Pontz

The Darkness that Lived in Abbey’s Mind – part IV

Table of Contents

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Part V
Part VI

IV

The sun rose and set many times before Abbey left her bed. When she did begin to leave, it was only for a short time and always aimed at a specific purpose. She would resolve to eat and so she would go to the kitchen and eat. She would resolve to bathe and so she would go to the bath and bathe. She would resolve to sleep and so she would stay in bed and sleep. The bed became a staging ground – nothing was attempted out of bed without long deliberations in bed – and every outing ended where it began.

The darkness glacially permeated Abbey’s mind. Initially, Abbey could identify her thoughts, but time wore away any difference, and the darkness and her mind became one. Since the arrival of the new resident, Abbey forgot about her father’s workshop in the basement and the piney smell of sawdust. The TV became another piece of furniture – not something her mother watched at predictable times. Before she would look into the woods and down the path reflecting on that day, but now she didn’t even look out the windows. Every step and stare was infused with meaning, not from the past, but from the darkness.

The routine, although comforting and safe, was a painful drain on Abbey’s soul and her body wore the effects. The skin around her cheeks was taunt and leathery and her eyes slowly sunk into a dark well. Her hair grayed. Skin and muscle hung from bone. Her breasts hung low. The light dimmed in her eyes. But, these changes were so imperceptible day to day that Abbey took it all with the rising and setting of the sun. And, although Abbey believed she had arrived at a station in life that she had full control over, this too was not true. There was so much that Abbey would never control.

All these changes she held on her shoulders as part of her choice, as part of her resolve to take control. Time and distance contorted her thoughts, and the darkness allowed her the deception of control. Time and distance erased the memories of a past. Time and distance told Abbey, “This is the life you chose.”

A grand lie, indeed! Couldn’t Abbey remember that this life was not of her making? She only tried to control her life after the darkness entered her mind, not before. But, this fact too was lost in the web of darkness that lived in Abbey’s mind.

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